Unmet needs in one part of life can affect other parts in an unpredictable manner
A coachee came to me with the problem statement – ““I’ve become overly competitive at work. I constantly compare myself with others and sometimes get aggressive.”
Per her own acknowledgement, she was not like this a few years back.
At first glance, it looked like a classic workplace issue — ambition in unhealthy proportions and hence comparison.
At the same time, intuitively, I felt that the problem could possibly be somewhere else. After checking what her satisfaction levels are with other areas in life (finances, community, family, etc), we figured out that her need for friends and family was not met. She had been living abroad for years, away from friends, family and relatives, and her connection with them had slowly faded. She felt emotionally isolated — without even realising it.
We worked on reconnecting with her people — phone calls and regular chats.
In a matter of weeks, she noticed a significant reduction in her need to compete or prove herself at work. She became more empathetic, calmer, and better at collaborating.
While I am happy that this worked, I was not sure what the connection was.
But then ChatGPT helped.
Her need for belongingness (which is a basic human need) was not satisfied. She tried to solve this at workplace. Her brain tried to compensate by seeking validation and esteem at work. When that didn’t come easily, she was frustrated and got aggressive at work. All of this in a very unconscious manner.
In good coaching, the emphasis is not just to try to solve the problem at hand but to look at coachee as a whole. And then magic happens.
