Spiritual bypassing of emotions
When I ask some coachees how they felt about a situation or a loss, they end up explaining it using statements like: “I understand that this is all my ego that is causing this suffering”, “The universe is teaching me detachment”, “I am suffering due to my identity as a parent”, “I should develop more acceptance”, etc. All lofty-sounding words hinting that they have crossed the limitations of life.
However, there was restlessness and sometimes heaviness in the voices.
It took me a while to realise that these coachees were using spirituality to explain away emotions instead of feeling them.
While the above phrases can be useful to understand the deeper workings of our mind, we often use them too early.
Instead of sitting with grief, we rush to acceptance. Instead of acknowledging that we are angry, we call it ego. Instead of admitting that “I am hurt”, we label it attachment. Sometimes, we force gratitude even when we genuinely don’t feel it.
In summary, we try to transcend emotions before actually experiencing them.
This is even more true for people who read deeply about spirituality or philosophy, where it becomes very easy to sound wise without being honest.
But emotions don’t disappear because we give them spiritual names.
They simply show up elsewhere as:
- Guilt for feeling “negative” emotions
- Quiet resentment masked as acceptance
- Chronic overthinking disguised as reflection
- Distance in relationships because vulnerability feels “unspiritual”
Sometimes, the most spiritual thing you can do is admit things like: “I am disappointed”, “I feel jealous”, “I am scared”, or “I feel abandoned” instead of meditating harder.
I’ve caught myself doing this too—trying to “rise above” emotions instead of simply feeling them.
Next time when life feels heavy, before asking, “What is the universe trying to teach me?”, maybe it is better to ask first: “What am I actually feeling right now?”
Sometimes, that answer is the precondition for the real spiritual work.
