A founder came up with a not-so-strange topic for a coaching session. He wanted to become unaffected by what was happening around him, his startup, and life in general.
His current state: He felt very stressed with the ups and downs in his startup. Some days were great, some days were not exactly the way he would like them to be, and on some days, it felt like everything was only going south.
His coaching goal was simple: become more “zen-like”. Nothing around him should disturb his inner state.
A noble goal indeed, and I could quickly relate to that. I also have the same goal, partly inspired by what I understood from the Bhagavad Gita.
As we visualised how that life would be, it felt too idealistic.
Then something occurred to me!
He was actually trying to avoid the emotions associated with the ups and downs. The vulnerability that comes with feeling the feelings!
Startups are hard, and one needs to keep going despite the flurry of emotions every single day. Vulnerability to emotions is scary, and he was using spiritual bypass with utopian ideas to avoid them.
If the answer is as simple as experiencing emotions, why do we resist it?
A) Because it opens up a flood of underlying emotions — “I am not good enough”, “I am a failure”, shame, fear of making mistakes, etc.
B) The more important reason is: “How to handle it when these emotions overwhelm me?”
I used the common concept of spiritual practices — “Being in the moment and experiencing everything (with curiosity)” — to overcome the resistance. This resonated well with him and helped him move forward.
But in fact, there are many methods to experience emotions, process them gently, and not get lost in ourselves in the process. More on this later.
A few takeaways from this conversation:
* Sometimes what looks like detachment can actually be avoidance.
* Spiritual ideas can help us grow, but they can also become a convenient escape from uncomfortable emotions.
* Unprocessed emotions are the source of constant stress
* Emotional resilience is more about becoming better at being with what we feel rather than resisting it.
What has helped you deal with difficult emotions without getting consumed by them? Please share it in the comments.
