Curiosity.
A coachee often got triggered when his teenage daughter didn’t listen to him.
We explored this and he came up with an idea: “Next time, instead of reacting, I will get curious about why she behaves that way.”
A few days later, he got a chance.
His daughter had collected chocolates going door to door on Halloween. When he asked her to share them with the family, she refused.
His first instinct was to call her selfish. Instead, he asked, “Why is keeping them all so important to you?”
She responded, “I went door to door collecting them. I earned them! Why can’t I decide what to do with them?”
That surprised him. To him, it was about sharing. To her, it was about being able to make her own choices.
He could now see something he had earlier missed.
Encouraged, he said he will start trying curiosity at work too.
I think this matters especially for founders, experienced leaders and CXOs.
Experience helps us spot patterns and act quickly. But it can also make us too sure that we already know everything that is going on.
Add the pressure to act, and we may jump straight to fixing things, missing a chance to understand someone or learn something new.
Consider these moments:
* A junior person challenges your idea. Instead of “They’re undermining me,” ask, “What concerns you in this?”
* A fellow senior leader resists change. Instead of “They’re rigid,” ask, “What might we be overlooking here?”
* Someone is upset about missing a meeting. Instead of “It’s their ego,” ask, “Why did being there matter to you?”
The same situation can mean different things to different people.
A meeting invitation might mean recognition to one person and extra work to another. A bag of chocolates might mean a treat to a parent, and independence to a teenager.
Curiosity doesn’t mean agreeing with everything or everyone. It simply gives us a chance to understand before we judge.
The next time someone’s behaviour triggers you, especially when you’re certain you know why, you can ask one curious question before reacting.
Has being curious ever helped you see someone’s behaviour differently? Pls share them in the comments.
