A CXO friend is very sharp and dependable. He is the kind of person who comes out as a hero when things are messy and someone needs to bring things back under control. At work, this made him incredibly successful.
His CEO trusted him, his team liked working with him because he was always prepared and helpful. He thinks 10 steps ahead in a way most people can’t.
But outside work, things were not smooth. He had rough phases with his partner. Some friendships became distant over time. The symptom: Small conversations somehow turned into advice sessions or arguments.
The sad part was, he genuinely thought he was helping.
As a friend, I was a sounding board to him. For quite some time, neither of us connected these two worlds together.
Then one random incident threw light into his behaviour.
We were planning a vacation. He turned a casual conversation into a fully detailed itinerary. Timings, routes, restaurants, alternatives if something failed, contingency plans for weather etc. I remember laughing and asking him whether we were travelling or executing a project. He laughed too but with pride.
Then I realised that he approached uncertainty the same way everywhere.
If things were vague, he wanted clarity immediately. If someone close to him was making a decision emotionally, his instinct was to step in and “help”.
Unintentionally he was controlling. His brain genuinely believed that things would go wrong if nobody took charge. And to be fair, life had so far rewarded him for operating like that.
But people close to him weren’t looking out for a manager. They weren’t looking to be corrected every time they handled life in their own way. They thought he was a “control freak” but couldn’t express it.
Over time, he became aware of his own impulses. He learnt to relax with better breathing. He would just sit with discomfort instead of trying to organise it away.
Result: Life got better.
Many of us probably carry workplace survival mechanisms into personal relationships without realising it. More so if you are a founder or a top decision maker who has to hold things together every single day, anticipate problems constantly, and live with the feeling that losing control even briefly can have consequences.
And because the world rewards those traits professionally, it becomes even harder to notice when they stop working in other areas of life.
